Damned Lucky Chimpanzee
by DeniseV
Summary: Just another card game. Well, it does get interrupted, much to Rodney's dismay. Mostly humorous, but you know Rodney McKay. Updated to fix problem spotted by KraftyM...thanks for the feedback.


"A chimpanzee could play that hand," Colonel John Sheppard noted as Radek Zelenka laid down his plays, which were littered with wild cards. Phase 10 had become the favored leisure time card game on Atlantis since Caldwell had brought several decks of the game back on his last supply run.

"Ah, funny Colonel," Radek commented as Rodney snorted. "Have not heard that one before," the Czech scientist stated dryly as he rolled his eyes. Most of the table tried to suppress their laughter.

"Yet still, it is funny, even after…why, I think I've lost count. Elizabeth, do you remember how many times Sheppard has blessed us with that particular gem this evening?" John grinned, and then launched a fake sneer toward his favorite Canadian physicist.

"I don't know, Rodney," Elizabeth replied, drawing a card and then discarding it, looking disgustedly at her hand. "As many times as you've laughed at it?"

"Hm. Could be, whatever amount that is. I find it funny," Rodney provided, frowning slightly. He drew a card, pursed his lips and then discarded it quickly, setting his hand down on the table as he rose from his chair. "I'm not sure why." He stretched, first one way, and then the other, something cracking in his back each time. Carson grimaced at the sound.

"Because it's funny?" Sheppard asked as he watched Rodney re-fill his coffee cup.

"How can something said over and over and over and over…" Radek started but was quickly and mercifully, by the judgment of most of the game players, cut off.

"Actually, it is funny." Ronon stated unequivocally. All of the players stared at him; it was the first comment the man had made since sitting down to play.

Radek's mouth was still open. He shut it abruptly, took a breath to say something else, then shut his mouth quickly again at Ronon's intense stare.

"I believe that what Ronon is trying to say, Dr. Zelenka, is that the comment, when used in the right situation, is funny," Teyla said diplomatically.

"Rodney, it's your turn again, lad," Dr. Carson Beckett chided as his friend continued to suck in the caffeine. "You won't sleep tonight, you know."

"Do you realize how many times we've had this conversation, Carson? Am I sleeping?" Rodney proceeded to put his play down, making phase 3 with a run of four and a set of four. Fortunately for Rodney, he had four wild cards helping him to make that phase.

Everyone turned to John Sheppard. And waited. And waited. Rodney discarded, smiling and completely oblivious to the silence at the table, and headed back to re-fill his cup.

Radek said, "You are not going to say this…this…thing that you say?"

John looked to Radek, and then to each additional player. And he finally looked to his friend standing near the carafe. He looked to all of the other players again, and then said, "You're turn, Teyla."

Rodney, finally catching on to what was happening at the table, looked at John and smiled widely. John winked at him. And if Radek could have shot arrows from his eyes, because lord knows that was what he wished he could do, there would be an arrow, sporting the colors of the Czech Republic, sticking right in the middle of John Sheppard's forehead.

Teyla took her turn, and then Ronon and Carson, and it was once again Radek's turn.

The game of Phase 10 includes wild cards and skip cards: both should be used in the most strategic way possible. For example, if all but one player has made their phase in the current hand, the appropriate person to skip, generally speaking, is the person who hasn't made their phase yet. Or, if the person sitting to your right – that's the person discarding just ahead of you - only has one card left and you have not made your phase, you would be wise to skip that person in order to give yourself at least one more chance to draw or pick up from the discard pile a card that might be helpful in making the phase.

At this point, Radek had a number of people he could have skipped, including Carson, sitting to his right, who had made his phase and had just one card left. Or Teyla, who had not yet made her phase and was already a phase behind the Czech. Strategically speaking, setting as many people a phase or two behind is a good thing. But Radek announced with glee that he would be skipping Colonel Sheppard, and added with a flourish, "Because he would not say Rodney is _monkey_."

The table burst out laughing, including John. Rodney's second was fuming now, his hair even wilder than when they had started the game, if that was at all possible, which was now closing in on two hours old. It took some time to play Phase 10 with seven players.

Elizabeth once again drew a card that was not at all helpful to her hand, discarded and said, "Rodney…" and then everyone else joined in, "It's your turn."

"McKay, do you think if you paid more attention to the card table than the snack table you'd be doing better?" John offered sarcastically.

Rodney had been nursing his coffee during the previous exchange, leaning against the desk where the refreshments for the evening's game playing had been placed. The closer to the cookies the better. His plan to take a few sips and then re-fill his cup once again before sitting down for his next turn had been foiled by the strange taste from this new carafe of the physicist's favorite drink.

"Yes," Rodney said as he took a step away from the table he had been leaning against. He wavered slightly and set the mug down quickly, grabbing for Elizabeth's chair, which was the closest near-stationary thing at the moment to Atlantis' chief science officer. The chair swiveled slightly, and Rodney looked in danger of going down.

John and Carson shot out of their seats fast; both men had noticed McKay's misstep. As John neared he could hear McKay's strangled breathing.

"Rodney, what's wrong?" Carson asked as he reached his friend. Elizabeth jumped out of her chair and Carson helped ease Rodney into the vacated seat.

"I…I don't know," Rodney started, a trembling hand moving to wipe the sweat that had appeared too suddenly on his brow. "Dizzy…I, um, I'm not…getting enough air."

John quickly patted Rodney's jacket, which was hung over the back of McKay's chair, and found the epinephrine injector that he knew would be there. He kneeled beside Rodney as Carson continued his examination.

"When did this start? Ya haven't felt like this all night, have you?" Carson asked with a worried frown.

"Of course not. Do I look…stupid to you?" Rodney responded angrily, his struggles to catch a breath increasing.

"Easy, Rodney. Don't bite the hand that's here to take care of you." Rodney looked at John as he spoke, eyes wide with the effort to breath, and a little fear, and then he turned to look at Carson; the physicist clearly looked chagrined. "Carson, should we use the pen?" John asked.

"One second, John. Rodney, this just started after that new cup of coffee, right?" Carson asked, clearly on to something.

Rodney nodded in agreement to Carson's question; the effort to breath made talking impossible at that moment, even for Rodney McKay.

Carson grabbed the cup and sniffed.

"Ah, bloody hell," he said as he slammed the cup onto the table, splashing the brew onto Elizabeth's Phase 10 hand that now lie on the card table. John was ready with the EpiPen, slamming the unit firmly into Rodney's thigh and swiftly injecting the epinephrine into his wheezing friend.

"Carson?" Elizabeth asked as the chief medical officer of Atlantis continued to watch Rodney. John was now sitting next to Rodney in another chair, massaging his neck and talking to him softly.

"Just one moment, Elizabeth," Carson requested as he checked Rodney's pulse and watched as, slowly, ever so slowly, Rodney's gulps for breath seemed to be easing.

Elizabeth turned to the other game players and said, "I think we're done for tonight."

"No," Rodney pleaded quietly.

"Yes," John, Carson and Elizabeth said in unison. All in the room smiled nervously, the tension from watching Rodney's struggles now eased as each breath the scientist took became subsequently closer to normal.

Rodney relaxed a little into the chair, almost trapping John's hand, and mumbled, "Bullies."

Teyla encouraged Ronon and Radek to leave, understanding Dr. Beckett's call would be for the ill member of her team to spend the night in the infirmary. She stopped at the scientist's chair.

"Rest, Dr. McKay," she said as she leaned in to speak to him. "Be well."

McKay watched her leave. He said, regretfully, "But I was catching up," but there was no real spark, no energy left for that night; Rodney's body had just been through quite a workout – he was exhausted.

"Yeah, well, it looks like we'll have to toss this game and start all over," John said, winking up at Elizabeth and Carson, his relief that this seemed nothing more than a bad allergic reaction evident in his joking manner.

"What?" Rodney yelped indignantly.

"He's kidding, Rodney," Elizabeth said, patting Rodney's shoulder and glaring at the colonel in warning. "I'll keep the score sheet for the next time."

"Oh," Rodney answered, too tired to admonish John just then. That could wait for another time.

"Elizabeth, this is just one of Rodney's allergies kicking in. I smelled the distinct aroma of hazelnuts in that coffee. Rodney's not allergic to all nuts, but hazelnuts are close to as bad as citrus to him. We'll need to talk to the kitchen staff…"

"I'll take care of it," Elizabeth answered decisively. "Will he be staying in the infirmary tonight?"

"No," Rodney stated equally firmly.

"Yes." Carson said at the same time. Carson looked at Rodney, who was obviously breathing close to normal, but was clearly exhausted.

"Fine. To the infirmary for a couple of checks, and then to your quarters. To sleep, Rodney," Carson warned. "And you are not to be back at work until you come to see me in the morning and I release you for work. Clear?" Carson was quite clear on what rules Rodney had to follow to keep his freedom that night.

"Fine." Rodney agreed.

EPILOGUE

John sat in the chair in Rodney's room as the physicist made himself comfortable in bed.

"You've been quiet," Rodney said softly.

John stared at his friend from the rear position in the chair. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. He continued to stare at McKay, but remained oddly silent.

"What?" McKay asked, feeling somewhat self-conscious at the colonel's intense scrutiny.

"You could have died tonight," John said, still not moving his eyes from Rodney's.

Rodney frowned, realization hitting him hard. "No I couldn't…" Rodney started.

"Yes you could," John countered.

"No I couldn't. You and Carson, you were right on top of things. Very observant, I might add."

"Rodney, damn it! Cut the crap. You could have died if it hadn't happened here."

"Colonel…" Rodney began, though he received that glare he'd been getting from Sheppard lately when he didn't use his first name in private conversations.

"Fine. John. I doubt that traces of hazelnut from the latest batch of coffee would have been a problem somewhere else. I wouldn't worry…"

"Rodney, you're missing my point. How come I didn't know about the hazelnut thing?"

"Why would you need to?" Rodney challenged.

"Because I need to know what the threats are in order to protect you," John insisted.

"And what would you have done differently tonight if you had known about this? Taste test everything first?" Rodney questioned harshly.

"No, Rodney," John replied, speaking to his friend now as though he were a child. He knew how much Rodney hated that, and he could tell by his reaction now that he should be prepared for doing battle. "But I would have checked with the commissary to make sure they were always careful about it. You know, like I did with the citrus thing?"

Rodney was ready to challenge him. John could see it. But Rodney McKay was a smart guy, a genius in fact. He knew that John's directives to the kitchen staff had made a difference in Rodney not having to worry about the food prepared on Atlantis. He really hated it when John was so obviously right.

John spotted the moment Rodney realized that we was right and Rodney was wrong. It was in the eyes, but the first outward manifestation that anyone else would have noticed was the heavy sigh, followed by an official concession: "Fine. You win."

"Of course I do." John sat back in his chair.

Rodney rolled his eyes. Then he watched as John loosened the laces on his boots, toed them off, and grabbed another chair to prop his feet up on.

"What are you doing?" Rodney asked, punctuated with a huge yawn.

"Getting comfortable."

"You don't need to stay. I'm fine."

"I know. I want to. Do you mind?" John asked through a yawn of his own.

"No," Rodney answered, and then continued, "actually, yes. I'll never be able to sleep knowing you're in that uncomfortable position. Bring the club chair over here, put it up against the foot of the bed." The longer Rodney went on, the more slurred his speech became. The man was running on fumes.

"Good idea, Rodney," John said as he prepared his _bed_ for the night.

"Of course," Rodney answered sleepily.

John smiled as he watched Rodney ease into sleep. John knew that he would not sleep well himself this night, and that he would be spending some time with Carson Beckett the next day to assure himself that he knew everything he needed to keep another of these days from ever happening again. It was hell watching your close friend suffer like that…suffocate like that. It was worse because it was preventable.

Besides, he needed to keep Dr. Rodney McKay healthy and in one piece. His team needed it. His peace of mind needed it. His heart definitely needed it. Plus, he was way behind his friend in wins in Phase 10. Rodney McKay was a damned lucky chimpanzee.

In more ways than one.

The End.


End file.
